Friday, July 31, 2009

Around the World, Around the World

Hey young world. I wonder what Slick Rick is doing right now? Is he eating a sandwich? Is he drinking a delicious beverage? What is he possibly doing? I know it's random but I really want to know. Maybe he's wondering what I'm doing. Then we can be psychic twins.

Anyways, I have an announcement, I am going international. The world is so large and I, for one, want to expand my horizons. Let's go to sleep in Paris and wake up in Tokyo. Hey, speaking of Tokyo, I love Japan. I like their art and their fashion and I find it to be simply beautiful. As I expand my horizons, I plan to learn about and travel to different countries. Anyways, I'm starting with Japan. I just ordered these anime movies off Netflix (is anime for nerds? Usually yes. But, I'm above stereotype) and though the stories are simple, they are very fulfilling and are so beautifully drawn. For instance, I am a fan of director Hayao Miyazaki. He does such an excellent job with his films "Howl's Moving Castle" and "Princess Mononoke", which are shown below, respectively:






Anyways, though most people associate anime with nerds and weird Asian people, it's actually one of the most beautiful art forms in the world.

Another aspect of Japanese culture that I have come to love is the art of Takashi Murakami. He is most famous for his work on Kanye West's "Graduation" album. Though his work seems simple and childish at first glance, it is actually very intricate and detailed. Here's an example:


Anyways, I hope this new change of pace for my blog didn't make anyone want to kill me. I'm just trying to expand people's horizons as I try to expand my own. My mind wanders a lot and guess where it happened to wander tonight-Japan! Isn't that great? All right. Guess not. But anyways, I'm out. Wherever I go, she goes.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

May...I...Kick a Little Something for the G's?

Hey guess what? I was working out at my old high school the other day and I saw someone that I was cool with, but I didn't know too well. His car was passing me as I was walking up to the football field. So, I did my typical greeting, one deuce and a head nod; nothing special. This guy then proceeded to flash one of the biggest smiles on the face of this planet and point both of his fingers at me as if we were close enough to share an inside joke. To add to the lunacy of his behavior, he continued to awkwardly keep his car there and strike his ludicrous pose. Honestly, I'm laughing as I write this because it's one of those corny things you see in movies that you laugh about because it could never possibly happen in real life. Well, sorry to say, these people do exist.


Now, to get to the heart of what I want to say today, I'm extremely annoyed. Why is this? It is a cumulation of things. I'm not a celebrity by any means. I don't think too highly of myself. But, for some reason, the wrong people try to get in my business. That in itself is not bad. I don't have anything to hide. But really, you can't talk about someone so badly and then try to act like nothing happened by trying to be their friend. Another thing I wonder is why do people talk like they're doing something, yet nobody ever sees the end result? For example, I'm an avid Facebooker. I see so many people put "going to the gym" as their status. However, I'm not impressed. These people who have put that as their status religiously every night for the past few months still look the same if not less in shape than when they started "going to the gym". I am perplexed.


Am I the only person that watched every episode of Trapped in the Closet ever made? My little sister and I were watching that the other night, and I realized, has R. Kelly's character slept yet? I mean, from the moment he woke up in this saga, he has been trapped in a closet. Not to mention he has had all sorts of strange adventures. Yet, he doesn't sleep. He just changes into a new suit and does it moving. I hope my life doesn't end up like that where I wake up in a bad situation and it just gets worse for 23 days with more to be continued and I can't eat or sleep. Oh, and has anybody noticed that Djimon Hounsou, the actor from Amistad, Blood Diamonds, etc. is always saving somebody? It started with Amistad when he saved the slaves. Then he saved Russel Crowe in Gladiator. After that, he saved the clones in The Island. He wasn't done there though. He proceeded to save his family in Blood Diamonds. And managed to save an outcast boy in Never Back Down within the year. Freaking amazing. Ok, I'm done talking. Ya'll don't really know me like you think you know me.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I'm Good

Right now, I'm starvin' like Marvin. I was wondering, who is this Marvin character and why is he starvin'? He must be pretty hungry for everyone to be as hungry as him. How weird.

I was watching this black couple argue and I was laughing because this guy was just getting the business from his girlfriend. It seemed nonstop. She was cussing him out. She was telling all of his business. Then suddenly, I knew the guy had no hope when the lady brought out her "L's".

What are these "L's"? Well, I would be happy to tell you. When a lot of black women get their absolute angriest to the point where they are on the verge of almost fighting, they get their index finger and their thumb and make an upside down "L". Once this weapon of doom is formed, they proceed to point it at their adversary multiple times as they use a gratuitous amount of curse words and secrets that they know about their opponent. In other words, they go ape.

Why did I bring this up? Because, it's absolutely hilarious. Seeing as I'm about to go to a place abundant with black women, I'm reflecting on their quirks and hoping and praying that I never get one to use their "L's" on me, or even worse...DOUBLE "L's"! At that point, I'm better off dead. Well, I'm just saying these things off the top of the dome. You can get with this or you can get with that.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Can I Have It Like That?

What if pigs really did fly? I think I would train one and fly it around and it would probably be the new fad on Cribs. Any celebrity who had any money would have to own a flying pig, otherwise they just wouldn't be cool. Sorry, I think too randomly. Guess what? I was sitting in summer school today and our class got on the subject of the news story about that Harvard professor that was targeted unjustly by the police. Of course, our class got into a debate about race relations with the police. I was surprised because this girl, who was very rich and very white started trying to explain how she knows how black people feel because she is targeted. As soon as that statement finished leaving her mouth, the 5 black people in the class all thought the same thing,"Are you freaking serious?" I would love to know what a rich white girl gets targeted for that is equal to what an average black person gets targeted for. How absurd. See? Her statement was so stupid, I had to use a big word to explain how stupid it was. Sorry rant over. I have more cool things to tell you.

I forgot to tell you guys, I have a stepchild also. Her name is Purple Spazz. She was created by my lovely friends Breanna and TJ. They are also amazing. I'm talking mind blowing designs. Anyways, they are a clothing company as well. They started in 2005 and already have clothes designed and created, but I have since picked up handling the business side of their clothing line and want to promote them as well as help them grow. They are truly talented and I want everybody to know about them and buy their stuff because they are unique works of art.

And, just an update, Status Quo is furiously in the drawing room, literally, drawing up a design that will make it on the first shirt that we design. They should be coming out soon. So, if anybody wants to know about either Purple Spazz or Status Quo, please contact me. You will not be disappointed. Oh, by the way, don't worry, this blog has not turned into a promotional site. This was my last blog promotion. Don't ever fear, weird Jordan Smallwood will always be here. Purple rain purple rainnnnn.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Baby Shower

I was sitting in church yesterday and this lady who didn't speak English very well was praying at the end of the service. That in itself is an insufferable task, but to make matters worse, she paused in the middle of the prayer for approximately 30 seconds. That doesn't seem like a long time, but when you're trying to leave, 30 seconds feels like 30 hours. I started wondering, since prayer is essentially talking to God, I wonder how he handles awkward pauses. Because I know when I encounter an awkward pause when someone is talking to me, if it's on the phone, I just lie and say I have to go. If it's in person, I just walk away. I wonder if God just walks away if we have an awkward pause. I know I would, especially because we interrupt him a lot around dinner time. That's aggravating. But, anyways, that's besides the point. I have great news.


I know this is unexpected, but everyone, I have a baby. It was just conceived two weeks ago. I see now why fathers are so in love with their babies. I really don't wanna leave my child's side. I am so in love with him. Oh yea, it's my son. I cannot be any happier. I decided to name my baby Status Quo. If you have gotten this far and you think I am talking about a literal baby, you are a freaking idiot. I'm not gonna have a kid unless I get married. But this child I am talking about is my first business that I am building from the ground up. Like I said, it's called Status Quo. There's actually a funny, yet simple story for how it got started. I'm probably lying when I say it's funny. Forgive me for sitting on a throne of lies.


Anyways, I was on Facebook chat talking to my homeboy of 13 years, Bobby Dub, and he was telling me about before he would even think about getting married, he wanted to be financially secure. Suddenly, the idea fairy put a thought in my head. Bobby Dub is an artistic genius. Not only can he draw essentially anything. He has a keen mind for what people will like to see and what ideas are truly unique. Anyways, as all these thoughts were running through my head, I suggested that he make clothes just as an offhand comment. Surprisingly, he agreed and suggested that I join him in this venture. Now, we're hard at work, hustling to make this clothing thing a success. If you want to invest and/or reserve a shirt, call me if you have the number or look me up on Facebook. I really love this company and I'm too competitive and prideful to just let it turn into nothing. Invest now while you still have a chance. Anyways, that was one of my two advertisements. Next blog, I'm gonna talk about my stepchild, Purple Spazz. Shout out to my girl Breanna and TJ. Anyways, I'm out like jerry curls. I'm out for presidents to represent me.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

And I Wonder...

Konichiwa. Bet you didn't know I knew Japanese. Surprise. I have a very funny story for you guys. Actually it's not funny. That was just my pathetic attempt to get you to want to read. Anyways, I was driving on Thursday afternoon to pick up my sister and my trusty IPod, always by my side, was on shuffle. Either God was trying to send me a sign, or my IPod has a sick sense of humor. The next three songs that came up on my IPod, in order, were "Sooner Than Later" by Drake, "Selfish" by Slum Village, and "Comfortable" by John Mayer. If all of you have heard these songs and know me, it was very ironic. The song that got me the most, however, was "Comfortable". Look up the lyrics sometime. It is extremely sad. The song got me thinking, even though I am very happy where I'm at, why do I still feel a nagging sadness when that subject comes up? When it comes to relationships. I messed up a really big one and the fact that I fixed myself too late always is on my mind. I always find myself wondering "what if"?What's weird is that I am in a much better place since that situation, but it was, as John Mayer puts it, comfortable. A lot of times, I find myself wishing I could go back and change the course of what happened. I'm still questioning whether or not it will happen again or if it is meant to be done. I'm not a sentimental guy. I don't look back a lot. However, this really affects me everyday. It affects how I think, it affects my decisions, and it just won't go away. Most guys will not admit it, but I was heartbroken. I still kind of am. Go ahead and laugh it up everybody. It doesn't make me want to become a stalker. It doesn't make me want to beg for everything to come back. Because once again, I am happy. But, I wonder, for everyone who is "happy" how many people are like me and happy, but at the same time, having a nagging sadness? A part of me wants to try again and see what would happen. However, most of me once again, loves where I'm at and sees this as motivation and/or something that moved me on to something better. Maybe I'm just pouting because things didn't end on my terms. For all the people wondering who this person who it is, even if you know me, it's the last person you'd expect. This post was not uplifting like my posts should be. However, for anyone going through this, you're not alone. God will show you what and where you should be. Believe that like a true story. I turned out all right. You should too. Anyways, I promise I will go back to normal. I just had to regress for a minute. Because like my man Kanye says, "Everything I'm not, made me everything I am."








By the way, to make up for my whiny post, I have a good one for tomorrow. Please don't think I'm some sensitive weird guy. It was just a moment, I promise. In fact, tomorrow, I have a very great idea that I want to share with you guys. Hillshire Farms. GO MEAT!!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I'm Thinking of a Master Plan

I was eating my Panda Express a few hours ago and I opened my fortune cookie to see my fortune, which was a weird because i usually throw it away and go to town on that cookie. Why? You ask in your head. Because fortune cookies are there only if you're still hungry after eating your meal. Think of it as a way to make you seem more obese than you really are because I know everyone digs through that Chinese takeout bag, hoping and praying for a fortune cookie because they're still hungry. Anyways, back to my story. My fortune said "Don't look back. Always look ahead." It's weird because it made so much sense. Lately, I've been stuck on the past and frankly, with the exception of my close friends, most of it in terms of people has been a complete and utter waste. Ok. That was dramatic. Now time for the good stuff.



Anyways, as I was reading my fortune, it reminded me to lay out my plan that I had alluded to earlier in my last post. First of all, I'm pretty ambitious. I hope if everything goes right that maybe I can be in the NFL and be a business owner. Notice i said and, not or. I'm not wishing or anything like that. I'm working towards that, every waking moment of my life is spent trying to accomplish my aspirations. Anyways, I say all this to preface my plan to let you know that it's not some silly dream. I intend to make this happen. Here goes...



After I hopefully accomplish those aspirations of mine, I want to expand my influence. I don't want to sit on riches or success. I want to build on it, make it grow, and use it to influence those around me positively. In other words, I don't just want fame, I don't just want money. I don't just want power. I want it all. I want to help everyone who has helped me and I want to influence the world like no one has done before.






How do i do that? Well essentially, if I accomplish one or the other of my two aspirations, I will have a pretty good amount of money. I want to start a business. Actually, I'm already designing the business model for it. All I need is money. Anyways, after that first company does successful, I want to bring my friends along for the ride. My friends are so talented. You have no idea. I'm not just saying that. All of them have the potential to do great things. I want to take them along for the ride. Not just as free loaders either. I want to channel their skills and use it to help myself and help them become more successful. There's so much more involved and you would have to ask me about it. I wrote all of this because I hope one day, when I accomplish these things, that someone can look at these blogs and have encouragement that anything is possible. I'm not the best. I never claimed to be. However, I know that I will work as hard as I can to be the best and I will never stop working. God gave me gifts. He gave everyone gifts. I just want to maximize on mine so he can be proud of me when I get up to heaven.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

What Am I Saying?

Hellooooooooo bloggers! How stupid did that sound? Pretty dumb? Well I don't get why I can't do that in a blog or in a speech, yet when an announcer does it at a basketball game, people go ape. Makes no sense. Anyways...oh wait. Free Slurpee day (7/11/09) is the best holiday since Christmas. Had to put that in there. Speaking of that, why do people get so excited over free stuff? It does not matter what it is. People are fiends for some free stuff. For example, most people did not care at all about Denny's, including me. Suddenly, out of the mist came Free Grand Slam at Denny's day. The next thing I know, I found myself getting up at 5 in the morning like every other fool just to get a spot for some free Denny's breakfast. Makes no sense. Whoa, I need to change gears for a second. Ok I'm as sad about Michael Jackson passing as anyone else, but come on, these tributes need to stop. It's gotten to a point where I can't watch my ghetto shows like Tiny and Toya on BET. This upsets me.
I have a good idea. I really don't want anybody to steal it either. I think if you put other people's business out there in Facebook's status bar, your face should be met with the hand of justice. I was looking at my news feed, just another ordinary day in the life of a boss. Sorry, that song just popped into my head. Anyways, I saw this status popped up and I found myself shaking my head yet laughing at the same time. Apparently this girl's boyfriend had been cheating on her with another girl. This girl put in her status how mad she was that she thought her man was good and how she never thought she was sharing his attention and kisses with another girl, whose name she mentioned in the status, mind you. She then concluded her status with how he thought he could have two, but now he has none. I laughed because this guy got roasted in public essentially, but I was also angry because this guy could not defend himself. I'm not his friend on Facebook. I can't see his status which probably contained his defense. It's not fair. Now I have this unfair opinion that this guy is a dog of a person and can't keep his stuff on the d.l. How embarrassing. This should not happen. Maybe I'll start a group called "Not Looking Cheap" and people can become fans so something like that will never happen to them again. So scandalous. By the way, I plan on taking over the world. Not in the mean way though. That went out of style in the 1940's. Anyways, I think I'm going to write about that next time. Because I am not just a mass of random thoughts. I want to become a living legend. Anyways, that's it. I just got dunked on by Patrick Chewing.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

First Things First

Hello World,
So allow me to introduce myself. My name is HOV. I'm just playing. But anyways, after my lame attempt at a joke, my name is Jordan Smallwood. I'm a black male. I have green eyes. I'm 6'0. I attend Howard University class of '13. I am studying business marketing and I play football. Anything else you need to know about me you can ask or find out on Facebook. I love music, sports, films, modern art, all books, and fresh fits. I hope this blog will make you want to laugh, cry, and everything in between. This is not your 13 year old sister's blog about how much I love Drake or a blog of endless Lil' Wayne quotes (though I am an avid fan). Like the title says, it's a look inside the labyrinth known as my mind and stuff I happen to be thinking about. For instance, I always wonder why when middle class Americans need help, we always turn to someone who happens to be from the UK. I also wonder why all straight guys are singing the Ego remix when it is clearly a song about why a woman loves a guy with swag. While it is a catchy song, it is not a guy's theme song about how cool he is. Don't blast that music in public. You can't get a girl talking bout how you love a guy who can talk arrogantly because he can back it up. You will get the exact opposite, a guy who loves backing it up and it will not be his ego. Anyways that was an introduction into my mind. Please don't hate me.