Saturday, July 18, 2009

And I Wonder...

Konichiwa. Bet you didn't know I knew Japanese. Surprise. I have a very funny story for you guys. Actually it's not funny. That was just my pathetic attempt to get you to want to read. Anyways, I was driving on Thursday afternoon to pick up my sister and my trusty IPod, always by my side, was on shuffle. Either God was trying to send me a sign, or my IPod has a sick sense of humor. The next three songs that came up on my IPod, in order, were "Sooner Than Later" by Drake, "Selfish" by Slum Village, and "Comfortable" by John Mayer. If all of you have heard these songs and know me, it was very ironic. The song that got me the most, however, was "Comfortable". Look up the lyrics sometime. It is extremely sad. The song got me thinking, even though I am very happy where I'm at, why do I still feel a nagging sadness when that subject comes up? When it comes to relationships. I messed up a really big one and the fact that I fixed myself too late always is on my mind. I always find myself wondering "what if"?What's weird is that I am in a much better place since that situation, but it was, as John Mayer puts it, comfortable. A lot of times, I find myself wishing I could go back and change the course of what happened. I'm still questioning whether or not it will happen again or if it is meant to be done. I'm not a sentimental guy. I don't look back a lot. However, this really affects me everyday. It affects how I think, it affects my decisions, and it just won't go away. Most guys will not admit it, but I was heartbroken. I still kind of am. Go ahead and laugh it up everybody. It doesn't make me want to become a stalker. It doesn't make me want to beg for everything to come back. Because once again, I am happy. But, I wonder, for everyone who is "happy" how many people are like me and happy, but at the same time, having a nagging sadness? A part of me wants to try again and see what would happen. However, most of me once again, loves where I'm at and sees this as motivation and/or something that moved me on to something better. Maybe I'm just pouting because things didn't end on my terms. For all the people wondering who this person who it is, even if you know me, it's the last person you'd expect. This post was not uplifting like my posts should be. However, for anyone going through this, you're not alone. God will show you what and where you should be. Believe that like a true story. I turned out all right. You should too. Anyways, I promise I will go back to normal. I just had to regress for a minute. Because like my man Kanye says, "Everything I'm not, made me everything I am."

By the way, to make up for my whiny post, I have a good one for tomorrow. Please don't think I'm some sensitive weird guy. It was just a moment, I promise. In fact, tomorrow, I have a very great idea that I want to share with you guys. Hillshire Farms. GO MEAT!!!